These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
