I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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