So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
