Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
