My hand turned me down
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
