just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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