Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
