Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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