Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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