if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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