You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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