you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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