i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
only you would photoshop your dick
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
