do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
