Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
