if i died would you start the facebook group?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize