So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize