That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
