I puked a lego.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
