I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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