Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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