I met the friendliest cop last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck appropriateness.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
