If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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