I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
