I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
