My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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