i used baking grease as lip gloss
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
