I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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