they need to just BURY HIM!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
