Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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