Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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