"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize