Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
