Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone threw a dead crab at me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
