when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
