i wish my penis had a tongue
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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