i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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