if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The feeling are messing with the penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
