she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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