just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
