I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
