How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize