Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
