Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
