have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
