Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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