hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
