The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are the jesus of drinking
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
