so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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