He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
