Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
