matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
