im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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