Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
