Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
