Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
