Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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