In America we eat man semen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
