Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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