i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
