I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
