Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
