I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
