I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
