I wanna bring you to show and tell
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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