Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
