my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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