Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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